The Silken Tease

New Year’s Eve is upon us.  It’s time to confess.. have you been a good boy this year?

You have?  Then tell me.. what have you done in the last month to please the lady in your life (or a lady in your life)?  Christmas pleasures do not count.  Go ahead, jot them down.  There’s a good boy.  Now.. did you do as many things for her as you could have?

Of course you should do everything you can to please your lady simply because you care for her.  Sometimes, however, you may require a bit of prompting and training.  She could spank you, deny you, ignore you – any number of things.

What if for a period of time, your touching and orgasms were tied to your attempts to please?  I think a grading scale or a point system would be quite interesting…

Brings me flowers – may touch for pleasure for five minutes.  No release.

Brings me a strawberry cheesequake blizzard – may tease for ten minutes.  Sorry, no release.

Brings me chocolate – may tease til you’re right on the edge.  The niceness of the chocolate will determine whether or not you come.  Godiva chocolate.. well.. I’ll think about it ;)

In all seriousness, I do think this could be a fun activity and quite the effective training tool (simple behavior modification at it’s most interesting ;)  Some things earn no points.  These are the things you do as a matter of course because she has the right to expect them of you.  The things that require active submission – things you do on your own without prompting – would carry the most value.  Extra tasks you are asked to do would receive their fair share as well.  Bonus points for every orgasm she has as a result of your attention ;)  At the end of a day or a week she would evaluate your efforts, determine your points, and allow your reward.

Of course, as the Domme, she would reserve the right to subtract points at will.  Can’t allow you to get too confident or forget who’s really in charge  ;)

Today I am beginning a new experience with a few friends of mine.  Essentially I have modified a chastity activity I read about on Kinkoria.  (Really loving that blog, by the way.)

Their instructions are as follows:

You are to purchase a new deck of playing cards.  As usual when you obtain something to use for one of my experiences, there’s a bit of a thrill in knowing that you are going into a shop and buying something solely because you are being controlled.  Even though the clerk will have no idea why you are making your purchase, you may still find yourself blushing or squirming a bit.  After all, you know – and I know ;)  I do so love thinking of you being just a tiny bit sexually fidgety.

Remove all the Jacks and Queens from the deck.  For at least the next week, your solo masturbation and orgasm activities will be determined by the luck of the draw ;)

Shuffle the eight cards and each morning, draw one.

Should you draw one of the Jacks, at some point during the day you will masturbate, bringing yourself right to the edge but no farther.  Before you begin, you will spend a few moments considering how exciting it is to be teased and then denied by someone who will be thoroughly enjoying as many orgasms as she wishes.

Should you draw the Queen of Spades, Diamonds, or Clubs, you may not touch at all that day. I’m sure you will frequently find yourself considering how agonizingly delicious it is to be denied.

On the days you draw the Queen of Hearts – the Red Lady -  you may touch, tease, and release once.

Of course you will offer a daily report to me indicating which card you drew and how you are feeling about being controlled by such a sexy lady ;)

That’s it – a very simple process.  You may come six times in seven days or not at all.  You may not come at all for days and days.  You never know…

Let luck be a lady tonight ;)

I am posting this under “Simple Dominance”. Posts in that category will offer ideas for those interested in tease and denial play.

Addendum:

My friend Felix suggested a good alternate direction for this and it is something I really like:

“You could build suspense by telling them they had to draw the card in the morning and carry it with them all day, but they wouldn’t find out until a time of your choosing what they could do that evening, and in the meantime they couldn’t touch.”

So… instead of peeking at the card when you draw it in the morning, just draw it and put it someplace so that you have it on you or close to you throughout the day. Just before it is time for you to touch (or not), pull out the card.

Nice touch, Felix ;) Consider it added to the directions.

** Another addendum – be sure and shuffle the cards each day before you draw (thanks Manet for pointing that out)

Is it evil to deny someone release, not even allowing touching, only to do everything possible (except touching them) to get them to do both? ;)

I wonder how long a man could last with a steady stream of teasing…  surely even if they obeyed, there would be some serious begging involved..

Yes, yes, strictly rhetorical questions. I’m just finding myself in that sort of mood…

What’s the longest period of time you have voluntarily gone without touching yourself for pleasure?  What about without ejaculating?  (Exclude times of illness or stress.)  How long do you think you *could* go if asked to do so by a Domme?  One more.. how long would you last if she were actively teasing you?

Now.. what would motivate you to go past the longest period of time you think you could handle? ;)

(You may answer these questions anonymously if you would like.  Just enter “anonymous” in the name field and anonymous@ladyjulia.net as your email address.)

In D/s circles, a key holder is the person who holds the key(s) to the submissive’s chastity device.  Sometimes this position is held by the individual’s partner but it is also a service provided by some professional dominants.  The keyholder maintains possession of the key until either an agreed upon date or, if the submissive has surrendered the choice to the Domme, until a time of her choosing.

I haven’t really heard anyone label it as such, but I like to consider someone who agrees to take control of the submissive’s masturbation and orgasm activities sans a chastity device as an “emotional keyholder”.  I know this is simply basic orgasm control, but I quite like the thought of identifying the Domme as the Key Holder because it provides a mental image of sorts for the subconscious to latch onto.  I have found the deliberate choice of words and images to be very powerful in many situations, but most especially in a Femdom, Female Led Relationship situation.

For several years now I have served as this type of keyholder for a friend who lives quite some distance from me.  I say when, where, if, and how he touches and releases as well as controlling his porn and erotic literature habits.  Many people proclaim a man cannot be trusted in a situation like this, however what I have found is that, for this man at least, submitting is more important and more exciting than masturbation and orgasm alone.  I’m not saying masturbation and orgasm isn’t good when doing so without submission, but in his case, he says it is well worth the wait thanks to that delicious feeling of control.

For about six months I did something similar with a friend in association with a weight loss program.  In this situation he had to earn the right to touch and to release by meeting criteria I established regarding pounds lost, calories consumed, and exercise performed.  I’m pleased to say I have photographic evidence of how compliant he was (no, not that kind of evidence ;)  – before and after photos revealing how much weight he lost).  Again, feeling that area of his life controlled was more important to him than deciding if, when, how, and where for himself.

An emotional keyholder situation is quite easy to establish for anyone who is interested in a simple form of dominance.  Simple to establish – not simple in its meaning.  It’s quite the powerful tool when used between two people who discuss and agree upon the parameters and who trust one another to really strive to make it work.

What are your thoughts about the concept of “emotional keyholder”?  Do you think that sort of phraseology / imagery would have any impact on you or is the situation itself more than enough?

And.. out of curiosity, do you think that you could be trusted to surrender complete control of your masturbation and orgasm activities if you were not in a device?

Often when I write for my blogs it is obvious that I am writing to the fellas.  It makes sense, the majority of my readers are male.  Sometimes I feel the need to write for the ladies out there who may be new to dominance.  This is one of those occasions.  So fellas, you sit back and relax, this isn’t for you, but… you might enjoy reading it anyway.

Ladies, dominance doesn’t have to be difficult.  For me, it’s usually a matter of relaxing and allowing myself to feel sexy and playful.  I deliberately chose the word “allow” because I was socialized to believe that only a certain kind of girl/woman considered herself sexy and acted sexy.  Sometimes I have to remind myself that I don’t agree with that perspective, especially since ingrained thoughts are tough to squelch even when we are consciously aware they aren’t true for us.  It’s much easier for me now than it used to be – much, much easier, but it did take work to get here.

When I’m feeling good, there are all sorts of little games that I play that are fun, sexy, and a tiny bit edgy.  I like edgy as in my mind it equates with naughty and well is there anyone who thinks being a naughty woman is a bad thing?  ;)

A couple of weeks ago I purchased the above “massager”.  I walked into one of the local chain pharmacies, asked where I might find a vibrating massager, and followed the extremely cute manager fella to the area where they were displayed.  (His face turned red so either everyone purchases these things for the same reason as me, or my expression indicated my plans.)   Either way, since I love making a man blush, it was worth the $14.95 price just to see his face.

I’ve never really been one to use vibrators as I much prefer a man to any tool.  That said, there are some times when they definitely hit the spot just right.  I took my new “massager” home, removed it from its plasitic packaging, and turned it on.  It had a nice little vibrating feel that was pleasant enough in my hand so I was pretty sure it would make other spots very happy ;)    To make things even sweeter, it was very quiet for a vibrator.  If I turned the fan in my bedroom on low, buried the massager between my thighs and underneath my blanket, it was difficult to hear it.  In fact, I was pretty certain the sound of my new little treasure wouldn’t be noticed unless someone was specifically listening for it.

Of course, after I began to suspect this, I had to test my theory.  Aside from a desire for scientific research, I was feeling very playful and yes, a wee bit naughty.  So.. during one of my phone or skype conversations in the last week or so, near the end of the conversation, I placed my new friend between my thighs with the protruding little knob touching my most sensitive spot, and turned it on.

And kept on talking like nothing new was happening.

Oh my gosh, what a rush!  The conversation continued on just as it was and at first, it was just a very pleasant feeling.  I was excited but since I’m a pretty animated person at times, I can easily sound excited about something other than the true source of stimulation ;)  The more I thought about what I was doing, the more aroused I became.  I felt a little guilty for not sharing my secret, but hey – I really wanted to see how long I could hold out.  Pretty soon I was having difficulty controlling my breathing.  I had to really, REALLY focus.  It wasn’t long before I knew there would soon be no way to hide what was happening and I ended the conversation.

I could have told him what was transpiring, but it was such a delicious little secret.  I’ve found myself wondering if I can last longer the next time.  Also, since the person I was speaking with reads my blog, I take great delight in knowing that he will from now on wonder if I am pleasuring myself in this most delicious way while we talk.  I won’t ever admit it so this will be a long standing tease.

Simple.

Exciting.

Oh so naughty.

Isn’t that how dominance should be? ;)

A ruined orgasm is pretty much exactly as it sounds.  In femdom, male submissive terms, the man would be brought right to the edge and then his orgasm ruined in some way, perhaps via the infliction of non-erotic pain.  Perhaps she may tease and entice, leading him to think he will be allowed a glorious release at the end of a long period of denial, only to ruin it through constriction as he ejaculates.  His body releases the fluids, but he receives no psychological pleasure from it.

The purpose of the ruined orgasm is to demonstrate the Domme’s control over her submissive.  (Perhaps a little sadism could be involved as well?)

Is this something that appeals to you?  Do you think it would an effective tool for enhancing her control over you?

(I freely admit I have never done this.  I’ve read a bit about it and find myself curious.  If you’ve experienced this and can offer a broader or more complete explanation, please do.)

I’ve just posted a story by kurius on my Femdom Fantasies site.  As The Ultimate Gift deals with tease, denial, and chastity devices, I thought you might find it of interest :)

Thank you, kurius, for writing this for me.

I’m in the bedroom. I know you’re tired so come upstairs and sit with me awhile.

(Smiles) – I like watching your eyes as you enter the room and take in my apparel. I bought this r*d silk dressing gown and the red lace panties today while I was out shopping for other more necessary things. Even though my budget is a little tight I thought I deserved a reward after working so hard lately. Perhaps in this instance, my reward is your reward, too ;)

No, don’t speak. Your face is so expressive, I don’t need to hear the words. You love how the soft silk clings to my body and in your mind you are already sliding your hands over the curves you know so well.

Stand very still. It’s time to relieve yourself of all those confining clothes. While you do look very handsome, I prefer you naked. My quickened breathing must surely convey my excitement and appreciation for your body as your clothing is slowly removed and drifts to the floor.

I do love your body. I know you protest at times that it is not “perfect”. I adore every part of you just as you are. I want to tell you again that I often fantasize about all the ways I can use your body. Ways that are pleasurable for both of us. I suspect it may excite you just a little to know I often touch myself when fantasizing about your oh so sexy body.

You’re surprised? Don’t be. My most intense masturbation orgasms come when I am thinking of you.

In fact, if I were to permit you to, you would be able to feel how wet I am right now – all from standing next to you and undressing you. If I wanted, my body would be ready for you to slide inside right away. That’s how much you excite me.

But.. that isn’t what I want. At least not for now.

I’m sorry, I cannot help but to laugh in that wicked way you say I do. Watching your face as I speak is like seeing my words performed in a play. Your arousal, your desire, your disappointment at the realization that you are not about to enter me, all quite apparent.

Sit back on the chair, my pet. Rest your hands on the chair arms. Yes, that’s right.

Feel the silken bonds wrap around your wrists and ankles. I know they are only loosely wrapped, but you really don’t wish to move, do you? They’re only there to remind you that the real power in this situation comes from me – my words, my actions – my ability to control you so easily. And I am controlling you, aren’t I?

I do so enjoy that.

Now.. I’m going to sit back and consider all the deliciously exciting things I can do with you. You be a good boy and sit there til I’m ready.

Would you agree or disagree with the following:

Enoch Soames, “Excessive orgasm denial is self-defeating: after a certain period of time the man becomes habituated and the loss of orgasms has minimal emotional effect.”