On the blog, Pure Liquid Kink, the author calls to question claims that men are more attentive when locked in a chastity device. This assertion, he says, is “bullshit”.
I’ve long wondered about this premise. I’m not a submissive man so I freely admit that I cannot precisely understand what goes on in the minds of those who are, however I’ve never understood why attentiveness wasn’t simply something one made a conscious effort to offer.
So I’m asking – do you agree with the author? Why, why not?
Anytime one is under stress you are more agreeable to suggestion. I would say yes, I would be more attentive, but I would not volunarily agree to wear a chastity device.
While I agree with him that one should always be attentive to the one you love. I have some problem with his calling “BS” on the idea of it causing someone to be more submissive and/or attentive.
I think anything that I enjoy doing, or having done to me, increases my excitement and the mood that it puts me in. The game, if you will, of Tease and Denial certainly gets me in a more submissive state. The tease gets me excited sexually and keeps me there, while the denial increases the intensity of the sexual excitement.
The idea that I am working toward a goal, which is pleasing the lady in control to a point that she feels I deserve the reward of release stimulates my imagination and drives me to be more attentive.
On the other hand, her enjoyment of my actions and reactions, and her control over me and my body work to increase her dominant state and her attentiveness to me and my need for being controlled.
Both parties enjoy an increased state of mind and see an increase in the attentiveness from the other. Both have their goals met and both have enjoy increased sexual excitement. The good thing about this game is that in the end both sides win :)
Just my thoughts on my experience with tease and denial. I could be wrong, umm, but I doubt it, LOL.
HUGS
web
I think there are a few aspects. First, there’s quid quo pro. I enjoy chastity play. On those infrequent occasions that my wife expresses interest, I’m inclined to spend more time on her interests as well. So this could be perceived as “more attentive”.
Second, I’m horny! Like a dog in heat, we start sniffing around trying “get some”. We’re likely to be more attentive in this case, too, though perhaps in a more annoying and needy way.
Third, there’s submission. If we truly won’t be released unless the Domme is pleased with us, we’ll be more attentive.
So, ya, I think it makes us “more attentive”. Some of the attention may not be in the way the Domme wants it, but it’s there.
mikecb
Thanks for your responses, fellas. I think perhaps my issue with the whole “being locked up makes me more attentive” theory is when someone says this is *required* for them to be more attentive. As you’ve pointed out, it’s not that difficult to see why it would amp things up for someone.
There are lots of things that make me feel sexy and thus more inclined to assert my dominance, but they’re not *required*. I guess it’s the same difference :)
I agree that it isn’t required at all. I don’t think that being locked is required for the denial. Actually, I prefer to just be told not to, and do as I am told. It makes it more difficult, but more exciting too.
At least you admit you are not able to think like a man. If I need to be locked up to keep me focused then that’s what I need. Who are you to say otherwise?
Serving a woman who doesn’t give a shit about my needs is a miserable situation. My wife agreed to a wife led marriage and now I am doing things for a woman who doesn’t get off on any of it she just likes bossing me and having me clean the house, do the laundry, do all her errands, and basically be a slave with nothing given to me from her. I tried to go back to the way it was but no go. She refuses. It’s either do it or leave. I have kids so I do not want to leave.
At a very base level his arguement has merit. There are guys out there that desire to be locked up purely for thier wanting to “play” out a certain perspective of thier fantasy world. I must admit that at the core level that is part of my base line for chastity. But then it grows from there. The underlying intent of being locked up is to be controlled. To provide a woman the rights and permissions to my manhood is one step of many in submission (The control does not have to be via a chastity device). Does it provide me a sense of erotica? Absolutely, and by doing so it makes the desire to be submissive to that one woman who is deserving to own my orgasms and access to my cock all the more special.
The part of the arguement I would call BS is that to be put in chastity will make the male more attentive to the Dommes needs. Being locked in chastity provides a physical and mental sense of desire in the submissive for physical release and yes, he will do more than the usual to go out of his way to get that release. However, the desire to be locked up is not to be more attentive to her, but for the woman to have control over the man and for her to know that via a physical device that she controls. The “more attention” comes from her tells and signals that she knows that she can get more out of the male than she could previously, simply because she now controls his manhood.
Chastity should not be a full time engagement,it should be one of the tools that the Domme has at her disposal for the man that is willing to submit that much control to his Domme. In this regard, not knowing when she will lock him up or for how long before his release or what he must do to attain release is all for her enjoyment of control as it is for his enjoyment to submit.
Mason,
You said, “At least you admit you are not able to think like a man. If I need to be locked up to keep me focused then that’s what I need. Who are you to say otherwise?”
I didn’t say otherwise. I can see you are very angry, but I think we both know you aren’t angry at me.
You added, “Serving a woman who doesn’t give a shit about my needs is a miserable situation. My wife agreed to a wife led marriage and now I am doing things for a woman who doesn’t get off on any of it she just likes bossing me and having me clean the house, do the laundry, do all her errands, and basically be a slave with nothing given to me from her. I tried to go back to the way it was but no go. She refuses. It’s either do it or leave. I have kids so I do not want to leave.”
I hear how frustrating this is for you. I hope you find some sort of resolution that leaves you in a happier place.
Best Wishes,
Lady Julia
Well, I think the others answered this pretty well already. Never having experienced this myself, I can’t say for sure, but it comes down to associating sexual and/or submissive response to something I think. Since chastity is a clearly mean to deny release, the connection is easy to make and therefore how can it not help? If the woman associates other things with the denial, either along with the device or without, that gets associated too and soon the response becomes automatic. So to say it’s bs sounds to me like someone has an axe to grind and there is more to it than just saying that a true submissive doesn’t need it. It’s a catalyst, maybe more, but nothing less.
Maybe it isn’t the device itself that makes him more attentive but the constant reminder that he is receiving attention. I imagine each time he moves he feels it or expects to feel it. Knowing she put it on him and is being attentive by controlling him which could increase his motivation.
I tend to agree with the author here and feel he is right on point with his closing remarks ..
“If you love the other person, treat him/her well. Period. It has nothing to do with gender, d/s orientation, or whether or not your cock is locked up.”